How to (not to) Pass Alcohol Through the Gangway: A Theoretic (and Not Advised) Approach

In areas of alcohol prohibition, there has always been a clever and immediate response from connoisseurs of the concoction.

While it might take you back to your high school days, there are a number of ways to sneak your favorite chilled beverage past the authorities and into your awaiting balcony stateroom (i hope). 

In this article, we will outline a few easy ways to get around high-cost cruise drinks to save you a bit of that hard earned cash.

1. Rum-Runner Flasks

Source: Amazon Booze Cruiser Travel Cruise Flasks

Smuggling alcohol sounds like a dirty word in the modern era, but people have been doing it forever. Traditionally, these brave individuals were called rum-runners, for obvious reasons.

Today, there are specific flasks that you can purchase and bring aboard your favorite cruise liner – one specific brand even flaunts the name: Rum-Runners

Basically, these small, flexible pouches will fit inside your luggage and allow you to bring outside liquor aboard the ship. It’s pretty straight forward: just dump your favorite intoxicant into the pouch and pack it in your checked luggage. The security crew will only be looking for bottles during their scans which will allow your beverage to slip past unnoticed.

2. Inconspicuous Flasks: Hairbrush

Source: Amazon, Smuggle Your Booze Brush

After the relative normality of Rum-Runners, we have to breach the world of hidden flasks. Since the first day that authoritative powers tried to restrict alcohol consumption, there have creative containers that help to disguise the deed.

Some of these items can be bought online, others could be made DIY at home in a hasty attempt to sauce up your trip.

Our first suggestion pertaining to inconspicuous alcohol flasks is a common hairbrush. 

This item will pass security with ease and potentially carries a large quantity of alcohol inside. Even better, once you have finished pouring your drink, you can still use the brush to sort out your hair.

3. Alcohol Bra for Women 

Source: Amazon, The WineRack

For apparent reasons, this option is not for everyone. That being said, the alcohol bra is potentially one of the best ways to bring alcohol aboard a cruise ship. 

There are virtually no downsides to this option. First off, the apparel is comfortable if you choose the right brand; secondly, no security is going to be secure enough to feel up your bosom for booze; and finally, the attached spout allows for easy consumption, like a Camelbak.

4. Feminine Hygiene

Source: Amazon, Smuggle Your Booze - Tampon Tubes

Feminine hygiene? More like feminine wine-gin. With fake tampons, you can bring aboard as much liquor as you would like in neat, individual packets. The best part about this option is that single tampon packets are relatively small. 

This gives you the opportunity to siphon several different kinds of alcohols into different tubes in your tampon box. You could potentially smuggle aboard a mini-bar for anyone willing to drink tampon Tanqueray.

5. Phony Toiletries

Source: Amazon, Binocktails Secret Suncreen Flask

Perhaps the best option on the list is phony toiletries. This is such a simple option, and yet, so many people never think to try it.

The “phony toiletries” gag is simple: fill up empty shampoo or body wash bottles with booze. Like other options, this will easily pass a security check, but unlike other options, it may allow you to sneak aboard even more alcohol. Shampoo bottles can be quite large, and as long as you wash them thoroughly before filling them with libations, you should have no problem smuggling a veritable bar aboard your cruise.

6. Umbrella Downpours

Source: Amazon, Binocktails Bev-Brella Secret Umbrella Flask

Our final clever way to sneak alcohol aboard your next cruise is by using a fake, hollowed out umbrella. Umbrellas have long been used to store unsightly items such as knives, private documents, or even booze. 

Just like some of the other items on our list, the flask umbrella will slide effortlessly through security, which will leave your mind at ease. The advantage of the “booze-umbrella” over some of the other items is that it is not gender specific, unlike the bra or tampons. 

Anyone is welcome to bring an umbrella on board, and chances are you can store more than an evening’s worth of booze in one umbrella container.

So here’s to calm seas and smooth sailing. 
Hopefully you’ll never have to use my 6 tips!

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